Forbidden Dreams
by pixxistixx4me
Summary: Three years after the last Game, Jenny must come to terms with herself and her past. Despite the barrier of dead and living, she must find a way to bring Julian back to her. But Julian just might have different plans...
1. Chapter One

Forbidden Dreams

A fan fiction by me of the oh-so-great LJ Smith

Disclaimer: I own nothing, with perhaps the exception of the plot of this particular story and any new characters that happen to make an appearance outside of my head. If I did, I wouldn't be looking for the rights up on E-bay. I am only borrowing these characters, and will hopefully return them relatively unharmed. Physically. Mentally is another story entirely.

Author's Note: This is my first fic. Please be kind… By the way, reviews are cherished and needed as much as I need lunch everyday. This is righting the wrong of Tom for all you Jenny/Julian worshipers.

*blah* stands for emphasis

_whatnot_ stands for thought

::I am a monkey in a monkey suit:: stands for telepathic communication or speech in dreams

(I'm a little teapot…) stands for a side note from me

Most of this applies unless I get lazy and just revert to italics and capital letters. Or just plain old proper grammar.

And now on with the story… Oh, and by the way, you have been warned, this might end up kind of strange…

Chapter One

            Sighing, Jenny Thornton walked slowly away from her car. So much had happened to her, even if it was three years ago. Despite what she tried, she simply could not get the memory of those dawn-blue eyes out of her head. A part of her died with Julian, and as much as she loved Tom at the time, she was more than just sorry to see that Shadow Man go. 

            Trudging up the steps to her dorm room, lost in her own thoughts, she almost smacked right into Kris. Kris was her roommate, and they got along fairly well, and they were, despite the lacking closeness of her earlier tight-knit group of friends back home, pretty good friends.

            "Whoa, watch it there, Jenny! Eyes are used for seeing while you're walking, not sleeping!" Kris said laughingly from behind her shoulder length curtain of dark blonde hair. 

            "Oops, sorry Kris… I'm a little caught up in my thoughts today. It's been a stressful day," Jenny murmured, still not completely with it. 

            "Well, ok, just remember to keep those eyes open, not closed. Besides, the gossip mills would have a fit if *you_* _fell asleep on the stairs and fell and hurt that pretty little head of yours," Kris replied, grinning at her in her lopsided way. "Well, later sunshine!"

            Kris' choice of words sent a pang of loneliness and homesickness through her. Dee used to say that all the time… 

            Retreating quickly to her room, she flopped down on her bed and let her rundown self slip into a good, hard cry. She sobbed her broken heart out, unable to take it all in. Tom had done the unthinkable: he had slept with another girl, and then lied to Jenny about it, then, when Jenny finally weaseled the truth out of him, he had *raped* her. She would have never thought it possible of time to do that. Never, in all her years of knowing him, had he ever tried to push her limits. Ever. She cried for what had happened to her, she cried for her friends and family she had left behind, she cried for the people in the world not allowed to cry as she was, and she cried, and not just a little bit, for herself.

            What seemed hours later, she rubbed her puffy eyes and rolled sluggishly off her bed to get a bottle of water from the small fridge in the slightly messy dorm room: neither of them had much time to clean due to their demanding schedules and part time jobs. 

            Opening the bottle of Dasani, she drank deeply and resignedly set about doing her load of business and management homework. Glancing at the clock, which read six thirty in the evening, she lugged her bag over to her desk and plugged in her palm pilot to upload all her class notes to her two month old Dell laptop. She sighed, and began to hack her way through her work.

            Two hours into her tedium, she thought she heard Kris come back into the room, the customary angry thump of a two-inch heel against the door, kicking it closed.

"Hey Kris," she called out, not bothering to turn around. When Kris didn't answer, Jenny turned in her swivel chair to find an empty room. Slightly unnerved, she got up slowly and went to open the door. "Kris?" she called, poking her head into an empty hallway. "Kris, is that you?"

Feeling silly for talking to an empty corridor, she turned to get back to her work. Sitting back down into her plush swivel desk chair, she found a Post-it note on her computer screen. It was blank.

Looking at it strangely, for there was certainly no Post-it note on her computer screen before she left it, she peeled it off and held it to the light. Nothing. It felt strange, and oddly alien in her hands, but also vaguely familiar. So strangely familiar… 

A memory stirred, stirred from the depths of her mind. She had tried to hide it, smother it with work and new things. She felt a phantom weight in her hands, the allure of a slick white box and a tingle of uncertainty.

*No!* she shouted at herself, no! It was too long ago… There was too much pain, too many choices. I don't want to deal with it all again… she thought fiercely to herself. The crushing weight of an upturned memory sent her into the sanctuary of tears for the second time that night, but these were bitter, bitter and painful. They offered no solace and certainly no reprieve from the crushing pressure constricting her heart.

"Why could I have never been normal…? Why couldn't I have never met any of them? No friends makes for fewer choices, and makes my life less of a hell…" she whispered to herself, ignoring her deeply buried conscience's voice telling her she was being outrageously selfish. Practically drowning in self-pity, she didn't hear the gentle, subtle slice of a window opening, and the almost imperceptible pad of leather boots on cheap dorm-room carpeting. 

Unable to let go of the blank Post-it note, she fell onto her bed, facing the wall in a very child-like and defeated position, curled up into a ball, trying to hide from herself. She buried her face in her pillow and sobbed. 

She was once told that a good cry could make a difference. She had been having good cries for the past two and a half months, and more often then not, more than once a day, and none of them had helped. At all. 

After no more tears would come, she lay there, with her face deep in the rather damp pillow case, wracked by a depression that seemed to clutch at her like angry hands, waiting to rip into her flesh and savor her soul like a glass of fine, expensive wine. Wanting it to take as long as possible to finish it, letting each drop stay as long as possible on the tongue, the thick, heady alcohol heading straight into the blood, affecting the senses within moments. 

Face blanketed in the darkness of the pillowcase, she failed to see a quiet stranger kneel by her bedside, pain and such a great loss etched across his every feature. The stranger stretched out a hand, resting barely above her shoulder, but not touching her, never touching. 

Shoulders giving a derisive shudder, Jenny turned her face from the lavender-clad pillow to face the door, and no stranger. She never even knew he was there. 

Slipping quietly back out the window, the stranger allowed himself an angry sigh, his previous look of abandonment and pain wiped away. Cold fury had taken its place. Damn his ancestors! How *dare* they carve him back in? How dare they inflict this punishment upon him, especially when he had been adhering to his expectations? They had always believed that he would cause trouble, and so he had. Up until the incidents in Joyland Park, he had been the perfect Shadow Man: ruthless, terrifying, and heartbreakingly beautiful, of course with the exception of his losses. *Those* had not been taken very lightly. But at the Park, showing *pity* on one of the pawns in their never-ending game, that sent them over the edge. Love. They could deal with his silly infatuation, insisting that it was merely a passing thing, that it was lust, and it meant *nothing.* Julian knew better.

He was just a shadow of his previous self. He smiled cruelly at the irony of it, a shadow of a Shadow. He could do anything he could before, except. There was always an exception for him, whether it hinder or help him. He could not touch her. His Jenny. He could not touch the one thing that mattered the most to him, gave him the strength to fight against the bonds holding him inside Nifleheim, the embodiment of the ice rune Isa. It was sure to drive him mad soon, unable to touch her, her golden hair, her glowing skin, her lips like rose petals encased in the warmth of her flesh. Knowing that someday, maybe, with some infinitesimal chance, he might be able to break the bonds holding him in this state of eternal hell, his rune stave might one day be his own.

Unable to sleep, a one Jenny Thornton groaned angrily, trying to find some position that might aid in her struggle for the slight release of sleep. 

"Alright! You win! I WON'T go to sleep…" she muttered angrily and no one in particular. Sitting up, she slowly dropped her feet to the rather chilly cheaply carpeted floor, and groped for her slippers. Sliding them on, she slowly walked the five or so feet from her bed to her desk and booted up her laptop, and decided to write something depressing. Or read something depressing. Hell, maybe I should just sit here and stare at the screen, maybe type in a few million J's and wait for a snake to come at me in the form of a computer cord. Laughing bitterly at her own rather twisted humor, she finished up her paper for World Mythology, due in another two weeks, her astrology charts and diagrams, also due on a later date, then gazed out the window. 

The sun was hiding behind the big-city haze, rather nasty looking clouds, and her own tears. Unable to deal with crying again, she glanced at the clock. Five thirty in the morning. I'd have to wake up soon anyways… she thought rather dryly. Grabbing a change of clothes and her hair stuff, she trudged over to the showers, annoyed that they had not cleaned them out from the night before, with hair clots in the drains and soap scum riming the rather disgusting peach-and-apricot tiled walls. 

Turning on the water, and letting it warm, she stripped off her rumpled pajamas, and stepped into the for once steaming water. Maybe I should shower at ungodly times more often… more hot water for me, she thought, somewhat pleased by this small personal victory. 

Letting the hot water soak through her, she tried to figure out why she was so depressed. Her first answer would be Julian, but that didn't make any sense at all. Julian had died, excuse the phrase, was *cut out* over three years ago, why start letting it eat at her now? She had it all under control before, accepting that Julian was gone, accepting that she really did love him, and, most of all, that she couldn't dream him into a place of warmth and light if she wasn't sure what either of those were anymore. Her life had been thrown into a veritable whirlpool of confusion, what with college and leaving home and her younger brother Joey's car accident. He had been biking home around four in the afternoon when a drunk driver had sent him flying into a ditch. He didn't make it. 

Just thinking about her little fuzz-ball of a younger brother brought hot tears to her eyes, but she refused to let them spill. I have cried enough, she reprimanded herself harshly. The world needs no more tears. 

Shutting off the water and toweling herself dry, she changed into her clothes as a wave of early risers began to trickle into the bathroom. Her navy tank top still clung damply to her skin and her faded blue jeans hung loosely on her lean hips. 

Walking slowly back down the hall to her room, she opened the door to grab her purse and bag. As soon as she stepped inside, she felt someone watching her. She felt eyes on her as she hadn't in three years. Whirling, heart pounding painfully in her chest, she stared wildly about her room, looking for the source of the heated intensity of the gaze resting on her. 

Seeing no one, she slowly backed towards the door, unsure of what exactly to think of her situation. She moved her hand behind her, groping blindly for the doorknob digging painfully into her back. 

Opening the door slowly, she quickly darted into the hall, slamming the door in her haste. Back to the door, she slid down slowly, hands clutching vainly at her temples. 

Ohmigod… he's back…

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Why do I _always _screw things up? Julian reprimanded himself harshly. I come here, trying to make amends, despite the rather out-standing problem of her not being able to see me, and I end up fucking it all up. I am such an _idiot! _I should've just left her alone. She was happy enough without me going and freaking her out all over again. 

_Ha. Don't kid yourself, Julian, you saw her the other night, _a tiny, malicious voice in the back of his mind murmured to him. _She was in pieces. And you know why? Because _you _left her all alone. Tommy boy had _raped _her after the Games, after cheating on her of course, she _needs you! She _needs _you, _not the other way around!_

Great… I'm talking to myself. I must really be going crazy. This is hell. The elders must be _loving _it! I'm sitting here having a nice, long conversation with my inner egotist over the predicament I've thrown myself into, not to mention Jenny, and they're probably splitting themselves over it! At least _somebody's _amused here… I certainly am not…

After a few long shaky breaths, Jenny got slowly to her feet. Steadying herself with another long breath, she stood up straight, calm and proud, and walked to her class, not letting anyone know that she was anything but calm and proud underneath her outer façade. 

She reached the lecture hall just in time, and quickly took a seat in the back of the room, not wanting to draw attention to herself. 

She booted up her laptop and opened a new Word document, to attempt to take notes and pay at least a small amount of attention to the product of a $50,000 tuition. 

A third of the way through the lecture on Ancient Cultures, Jenny awoke from her semi-stupor state of note taking, which consisted of ear to keys and out the other ear, making no contact whatsoever with her brain. She heard a mention of runes and something about the Nine Worlds. Perking up immediately, she switched on the sound recording function on her computer, hoping that she hadn't misunderstood the context the word were in. 

Quickly re-reading the notes she had taken, she found references to Norway and Germany, and quite a few allusions to Ragnarok. 


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Ok, same shpiel applies; I own nothing, yadda yadda yadda. 

Author's Note: Oh, and by the way, I have NO idea where this story is headed, and I will need feedback from you, the all-powerful readers to let me know what I'm doing! Cause I sure as hell don't….

Onward with the story…

            Fine tremors running down her body, Jenny listened to the lecture with increasing unease. Professor Luciard was saying something about how Ragnarok is not only the end of the world, but also when the Nine Worlds become open to each other, no runes or portals involved, as well as strangely centered in Pennsylvania. (A/N: I just made this part up, I don't know if its true or not, but if the shoe fits…)

            Shit.

As soon as the lecture finished, Jenny bounded out of the hall, racing to get back to her dorm room. Heedless of the watched-feeling that greeted her, she hurriedly plugged in her laptop to the phone jack in the wall. Thinking better of sending an email to everyone at their respective colleges, she e-mailed Kris, saying, rather curtly, that she would be leaving on a slight vacation for about a week, two weeks tops, to clear her head and relax. 

Practically shaking in her haste, she booked a one-way flight to Pennsylvania leaving in two hours. Quickly making a phone-call to the attendance office, she explained that a family emergency would be keeping her away from school for approximately two weeks. 

Throwing things into a duffel bag, she grabbed her car-keys and pillow and scrambled off of the college campus to the airport, practically breaking every speed limit in the process.

The watched feeling never went away.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. (A/N: It seems a lot of my paragraphs are starting this way… he he… don't blame me! The spiders made me do it!) 

I need to keep Jenny from getting to Pennsylvania. God knows what my bloody ancestors will do to her once she does. I don't know what she's thinking, but it can't be good. 

He had heard Professor Luciard's lecture and it was all true. He had no idea how this annoyingly correct professor had gleaned this rather classified information, and wasn't entirely sure he wanted to find out. 

Right now, in this instant, I need to keep Jenny from getting to her grandfather's house. That's all, nothing else. 

Damn it!

Her flight was delayed. Too much fog and too much turbulence. The expected wait time was another fourteen hours. After hauling ass just to get to the airport in time, the flight was delayed. Fourteen hours. 

Just my luck, Jenny grumbled to herself. I should have just ignored this whole business and taken up rug making instead of World Mythology and Ancient Cultures. 

She built her class schedule on what her interests were. Of course, at the time, her focus was to find some tiny loophole in the whole complex mass of laws and mythos and lore surrounding the people of the dark that would permit her, in either skill or by law to bring Julian back. And a lot of good it did me, she thought bitterly to herself, it only got me raped and earned the distrust of all my friends.

All her friends, of course, thought she was insane. Dee had gone ballistic, Audrey shrieked and slapped Jenny across the face, Michael, eyes the size of dinner plates, fell over in a dead faint, Zach and Summer tried to talk some reason into her. 

Tom, of course, had been furious with her when she announced her choices to the group. She, wanting to be contrary to Tom's wishes for at least once in her life, told him that it was her decision and her life. Furious, he stormed off. A week later, she caught him making out with the captain of the cheerleaders. In the back of Jenny's car. (A/N: From then on, she only drove cars with no back seats mainly in the form of expensive Mercedes Benz's. Specifically silver SLK 320's.) Tom, being Tom, denied it, saying that she was in need of mouth-to-mouth. Jenny slapped him squarely across the face and dumped him on the spot. Three days later while Jenny was walking home, it having been too nice of an evening to drive, from Zach's house, Tom hauled her behind a bush, conked her on the head with a rather large tree branch, and committed the horrid deed. 

For a while after it had happened, she had been in total denial. She kept telling herself that it wasn't Tom, that it was somebody else, but even if she was right, it was little consolation. A police officer and his cab-mate found her the next morning, battered, bruised, and with a large lump on the back of her head. He said that she could have died. If she remembered correctly, the officer that found her never touched her. She had a faint recollection of him knowing her name…

Shaking her head at the memories, she got up to go buy a book to read from one of the many shops lining the crowded hall of Gate 14-B. 

Walking into a generic sell-all shop, she thumbed through a few books before deciding on a very long civil war novel. Normally, she would have immediately picked up a fantasy or science fiction book, but, having had too much of the unknown for any number of lifetimes, she chose the safe option. The past was safe. At least she knew what happened, none of this waking-up-and-not-knowing-if-I-will-still-be-alive-to-wake-up-again fear that had gripped her all throughout the second Game, and immediately after the third. 

Sighing, she paid for the book, a Hershey bar, and a very large cup of coffee; she walked back to her seat, waiting resignedly for the delay to be over and done with as soon as the weather would allow.

No such luck. 

-

Authors Note: yes, I know it's not as long as the first chapter, but its 11 at night on Christmas no less, and my attention span is currently less than that of a gnat, owing in large to the huge amount of chocolate I have accumulated today. I promise the next chapter will be longer, and hopefully up by New Years Eve, if not sooner. I promise not to fizzle out after the initial drive to write, as I know happens to the most hard-core authors: they are all excited about writing something, they work on it at every opportunity but then they slowly… stop… going… I should know. Personal experience lends a hand for once… ok; I am officially rambling, and will allow you to return to your normally scheduled programming. By the by, sorry about the lack of Julian dialogue in this… I couldn't really thing of what I wanted him do or say, so I kind of… temporarily ignored him. 


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimers: I still own less than squat. Anything by LJS belongs to her and a giant publishing monster that's coming to eat my soul as soon as it finds out where I live. In this case, I will be hiding under my bed clutching a teddy bear as they slowly take my ideas and turn them into a book that it claims as its own and will not give me any royalties money! 

Authors Note: Please ignore whatever I said up there about the giant publishing monster. A bit of my worst nightmare crept into it. Sorry about the lack of recent update, my brother only just now reinstalled Word on my computer, and in the depressing downtime, I was unable to start this chapter. 

Remember, you are welcome to give me ideas via review forum! I crave them! Besides, I need to know how horrible a job I'm doing, considering I have no idea what I'm writing about until I actually start writing. 

On with the story…

            Smiling in relief behind his concealing newspaper, Julian hoped sincerely that Jenny would tire of waiting and just head home. At which point, he would smooth away the fog and calm the turbulence, causing the flight to board. Without Jenny. 

            He really hoped it would work. 

            Sighing, she finished her now cold coffee, and shut her book. Checking her watch, noticing she still had another nine hours to wait. Maybe I should just _drive _to Pennsylvania, it might be faster, Jenny mused half-heartedly. California was _not _a nine-hour drive to Pennsylvania. 

            She did not waste her parents' money and her own going to a community college like Tom had wanted her to; she had applied, and gotten into, Stanford. (A/N: All the courses I have Jenny in, I am in serious doubt that Stanford actually offers, as well as the tuition cost from the previous chapter is doubted. Why Stanford, you ask? Because I want to go there, that's why!) 

            As the next hour crawled by, she seriously considered leaving. Why wait around? The plane isn't leaving for another eight hours, so why not go home and pack better clothes than two sets of pj's and no shampoo? she mused silently. Besides, this place is becoming rather nerve-wracking. 

            Sighing in part from frustration, she got up, threw her coffee cup away, shoved her book in the top of her messily packed duffel bag, and got up to leave. She glanced hopefully one last time at the departures board, and went to return her ticket. 

            Julian smiled.

            He folded up the newspaper he had been pretending to read and tossed it carelessly on the seat he had just occupied. He was dressed in a black business suit with a black leather briefcase and a small shoulder bag, trying to blend in with the airport crowd. But then again, Julian _never _blended in. He more or less _couldn't _with his frost white hair, shocking blue eyes, and body of a Grecian god. He had gotten approving stares from many women loitering around for the flight to Pennsylvania, as well as those walking past from a recently arrived flight. These stares drove him to hide in the sanctuary of a concealing newspaper. To anyone who couldn't see him, namely Jenny, it would appear that these appreciative glances were directed at the rather stout, balding man with three children sitting next to Julian. Thankfully, Jenny hadn't noticed this. And neither had the bald man. 

            Walking quickly towards the men's room, he slipped inside a stall and made a convenient portal and stepped through into Jenny's college dorm room. After, of course, clearing the fog and smoothing the turbulence, in effect removing the delay. 

            "Oi vey… this is getting rather frustrating. Why can't I go stop the end of the world in peace…? I mean, Superman has _never _had any problems about flight delays and being stalked by something he couldn't see," Jenny complained to no one in particular. "At least I got my money back. I'm glad I returned my ticket. I'm surprised they _let _me return my ticket. Oh well. Guess I must be special…" 

            After rambling to herself, she dug out her room key from a pocket in her jeans. Opening the door, she tried not to let the watched feeling get to her again. Head held high, she strode into her room, determined to ignore it. It didn't work very well. Her movements were skittish and she trembled almost imperceptibly. 

            Not feeling silly in the slightest, she called out to the seemingly empty room. "Where are you? Show yourself!" 

            Nothing answered or appeared. 

            "Fine! If that's the way you play it, so be it! If you won't show yourself, then I will find you myself!" she called, heedless of the open door and any happening passersby. Deciding that if the door were closed, the something in her room would have one less escape route, she strode purposefully toward it, slamming it with a decisive thump and turned once again to face the room. 

            She angrily crossed the room to the window, and immediately locked it. Whatever was in here was staying in, including Jenny herself. The watched feeling had not abated. 

            Oh crap.

            Once, he would have enjoyed the turmoil he caused in her. But that was before he saw truly what was hidden behind those Nile-green eyes. Before he saw how much a person could change. Before he knew what real pain was. It was real pain that made him offer himself in her stead at the end of the third Game. It was real pain that the elders were forcing upon him when they poured life back into his rune stave. It was also real pain that Jenny had gone through because of him. 

            Because of me, she was driven to this. Driven to depression and fear. Because of me, so much has happened that I did not intend, Julian thought bitterly. He really was the personification of Dagaz, the catalyst. 

            No time to wallow in self pity Julian! he rebuked himself silently. Now is the time to make her forget about you. Maybe then I can start over. 

            Jenny's words from the first game rang inside his head, "What if you simply asked me? Came to my door, no games no tricks, and just asked me?" (A/N: I'm too lazy to check and see if that's what she really said, besides, my friend has my books, so no references…) 

            Despite his hopes, he knew in his heart that he could not make her forget. Too much was intertwined with it, too many things wrapped up in the games. Besides, it was too long ago. Secretly, he wanted her to remember and love him in spite of the things he had done to her and her companions. He couldn't bring himself to call them friends, especially after what they had done to her. They had pushed her away, denied her choices, trying to bend her back to the way she was before, submissive and ignorant. Because of Julian, he awoke in Jenny the drive to prove herself and a sleeping strength that he did not expect. He gloried in his ability to inadvertently push Tom away from Jenny. Her newfound strength had repelled Tom, simply because he was a controlling bastard. Serves him right, Julian thought rather smugly. 

            Turning his attention back to the situation at hand, he tried to figure out a way to contact her.

            Jenny felt a tiny shift in the intensity of the watched feeling. Not a lessening or increase, but a shift in the focus, as if it was drawing within itself. Brooding, or plotting most likely, she thought to herself. Readying herself for whatever might come her way, she breathed deeply and deposited her things on her bed and breathed deeply, trying to shake the feeling of recognition that haunted the half-forgotten places in her mind that only one person had ever touched, which now lay dormant and slowly fading into a sweet dream from a long-forgotten child-hood, which indeed it had been. Horrifying, but sweet, in a twisted sort of way. 

            Jenny whirled when the door slammed open. Kris stood there, wreathed in the harsh light of the track lighting illuminating the hallway. 

            "Hey there Sunshine! I thought you were leaving! Aren't you?"

            Somewhat startled by her roommate's sudden appearance, she answered rather awkwardly. "I was going to, but my flight got cancelled. I'll either drive or reschedule."

            "Where was that you were going?"

            "Oh, Pennsylvania. To- to... visit my grandfather," she stuttered. 

            "Well, then it's a pity your flight got cancelled. I hope you can make it there soon," Kris continued conversationally. Jenny felt unnerved; talking so amiably while the watched feeling seemed to increase in intensity. She could feel invisible eyes boring smoldering holes into her back, as if they were trying to look beyond her flesh, straight into her soul, to read her mind and her intentions. She wouldn't be surprised if it had worked. 

            She wasn't disappointed. It did.


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: To disclaim implies there was once a claim… how can I DISclaim what I never claimed in the first place? Oh well… I don't own anything. Sadly. Well, I own Kris, Vyelt, and Cael who are just names for the Shadow Men at the end of "The Kill." LJS owns them, I only claim their names. 

I still don't know where this plot is going, and I NEED input from you guys!

Author's Note: Who can tell me what's going to happen? 'cause I REALLY don't know… 

I was evil about the cliffhanger. He he… I just got lazy and didn't know how to end it, so I just stopped like that. Kris coming in was just a way to break up that invisible staring contest, cause I don't want Jenny and Julian to meet up yet. That's for later. Next chapter maybe…

I would like to thank my reviewers, Shadow especially, because without you guys, I would think that I was the only person reading this. Shadow, thanks again! 

Note: I got bored with doing my history homework. So, I might be a little bit strange this chapter, cause my writing style is currently shot. First day back from winter break, so I'm kind of, just a little be, crackers at the moment. Pots-winter-break shock would probably sum up what I'm feeling right now. I should probably do my history homework…

And on with the story!

            Julian fled the room as fast as he could. He could _not_ have Kris in on any of this. If she found out, well… people might get suspicious. (A/N: I know, it's a bit early, but whatever. In his death, Julian had gotten a wee bit paranoid about everything. Now he's an obsessive PARANOID stalker!) 

            At least he tried to. Kris had shut the door, the window was locked, and he couldn't in good sense open a portal, the light would _definitely _alert both Jenny and her roommate. 

            "Hey, who's that?" Kris asked, admiration laced into her question.

            "Who's who?" Jenny responded, unsure of who exactly was talking about.

            "That _guy _sitting on your bed!" Kris exclaimed quietly. They had been reduced to whispers as soon as Kris had inquired about the person in their room. 

            "Kris, I hate to break it to you, but there is no guy sitting on my bed. You must be seeing things." 

            "Hey, what's your name?" Kris called to the alleged guy sitting on Jenny's bed. No answer. "Not much of a talker, huh?"

            Ahh crap. She noticed me. 

            Julian had over a million thoughts running through his brain as soon as Kris had entered the room, and the number tripled when she inquired about a _guy _sitting on Jenny's bed. 

            Well, my two choices are reveal myself, and then Jenny will think Kris is bonkers. Or, I could chance a portal and lift the knowledge from Kris' brain. I think that is my best bet. I just hope Jenny doesn't realize that the light is from me. After this whole mess is done with, I need to do some _serious _soul-searching. 

            He got up, his movements as catlike as ever; eyes fixed on Kris, and made a tiny gesture with his left hand. An eldritch portal sprung into life behind him, which he quickly stepped into.

            Kris blinked confusedly. Wasn't there just a guy…? She stared with a puzzled expression on her face at the spot she was sure had just had the sexiest being ever to grace the planet just stood. 

            "Well… he… disappeared," she told Jenny, who just raised an eyebrow and nodded her head slowly. But aside from her skepticism open on her face, Jenny was worried. 

            "What, exactly, did this guy look like?" Jenny asked slowly, carefully.

            "Well, sexy as hell, hair that no amount of peroxide could achieve, and he must've been wearing specially made contacts, or something, because no one, _no one _has eyes that blue. Might I add he looks _very _appealing in black leather?"

            Jenny's sinking feelings were confirmed. Julian was back. And he could control who could see him. 

            This just gave her one more reason to get the hell out of California. 

            And straight to Pennsylvania. 

            Julian paced his apartment. He had taken up temporary residence in the human world, which he preferred to a halfway place, where the other Shadow Men could come and torment him. At least this was he didn't have to worry about people barging in unexpectedly. 

            Before he left Jenny's dorm, he had taken a moment to memorize Kris' mental pattern, so he could easily pick it up and erase her memory of himself. Now he only had to wait for her to sleep. Maybe he could visit Jenny's dreams, too. 

            _Julian, _the little voice in the back of his mind hissed maliciously, _you are becoming weak, you know that? You are letting this whole thing get blown out of proportion! You could go right up there and tell the Elders that you gave up completely on that human, _the voice couldn't bring itself to say Jenny, _and will go back to winning Games!_

Ha! What would that do? I would end up as twisted as they are! No matter my pain, no one else should have to deal with what I put all those people through. No one! He thought violently back at the niggling little voice.

            _Not even yourself?_

            He would have to think on that one…

            Cael, it's working! He's cracking like an egg! 


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: Same spiel as before, I own nothing, with the exception of the few… things… that make their way out from the bottomless pit that has taken up residence in the empty cavity between my ears. 

Author's Note: It is now 12:05 in the morning, and I can't sleep. Rather annoying. Ok, well, I STILL don't know what I'm doing with this story so someone needs to tell me. Capeshe? 

Offward with the story…

Jenny tossed restlessly in her sleep. She would be leaving tomorrow. She would get to Pennsylvania if she had to walk there, but her plan was to drive, or bus the way there. She decided if a Shadow Man was stalking her again, a plane didn't feel very safe. Besides, if he really wanted to do something to her, she didn't want him to hurt a plane-full of innocent people, not that a bus was much better. So she settled on driving, at least that way no one else could get hurt. 

She had taken to avoiding public places since she had come to the conclusion that Julian was back. Wherever she was, she was a danger to society, because wherever she was, Julian would be sure to follow. And wherever Julian was, bad things seemed to happen. But then again, each time she had met him had been a part of an intricate plan, no, plot, to ensnare and trap her, in the form of one of his Games. His Games had been deadly and treacherous. He had claimed that he never cheated or lied, that he practiced gamesmanship, the art of winning without _actually_ cheating, and that he sometimes- withheld- information. 

Waking from her hazy, light sleep, Jenny carefully turned off her alarm, scribbled the still sleeping Kris a note that she was leaving and the time was 4:30 AM, and then quickly changed into some comfortable athletic pants and a baby blue tank top, she grabbed her duffle bag and purse, and quickly left the dorm, heading for her car, ignoring the watched feeling that pursued her there.

Popping the trunk, she tossed her duffel in the car. She circled around to get in the drivers side. When she reached for the handle, her hand just wouldn't _go_. It stopped about eight inches from the silver handhold, and simply wouldn't go any further. 

Julian went bug-eyed. 

Ohmigodherhandisonmynuts!

He had _no _clue that he would still be solid to her. He thought that he would be just shadow to her, not solid, invisible in her high-noon glow. 

This was certainly something he did not expect, not that he was regretting it.

What the hell…? This is very strange… Figuring it was probably either her lack of coffee, which in college terms is life-giving energy, or Julian. Deciding that the former was a good idea, but also that the latter was most likely correct, she balled her hand into a fist and punched the air that her hand should be able to pass through. Her hand met (A/N: I know it would be funny (if painful) if Julian got beaned in the balls, but, sadly, I actually (for once) have a point for him not to! Yay! Go me!) the cold steel of her car door.

Stifling a scream that threatened top rip from her throat from the pain exploding in her hand, she whimpered and got in the car, wondering vaguely exactly _what_ part of Julian her hand had been resting on, assuming he was leaning against the door, the handle being about waist hei- OH MY GOD! Jenny shrieked, clapping her swelling hand to her mouth, then quickly regretting it, pain erupting against every nerve. 

No time to get it looked at, she thought purposefully, I _have _to get to Pennsylvania! It doesn't matter if it's broken in a million places or if it's falling off, what I know may just save the world! 

_Jenny, you think highly of yourself, now don't you? _An inner voice murmured quietly. _Surely there are other people out there who know just as much as you, if not more. Julian, after all, _did _say that some people have been able to escape._

Her hand halfway to the ignition, she froze. Was that a _voice_ in her head? Julian never said anything about people escaping, she thought cautiously back. 

_Maybe not exactly like that, but it meant the same thing. Something about the price _often _being too high to pay. Not _all the time _too high to pay. That means that some people have escaped. _

Hand still immobile in the air, a disturbing thought occurred to her. No one else would know that but me and Julian, no one unless… 

Jenny screamed as a wave of blackness enveloped her, bringing her down into the inky depths of unconsciousness. 


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: If you have not yet realized that I STILL own nothing, you just might need some counseling.

Author's Note: Last chapter was… strange, to say the least. If you didn't get it, you aren't the only one, 'cause I certainly had NO idea what the hell I was writing about.

Thanks again Shadow! Your reviews are great!

NOTE: THE FORMATTING IS MESSED BECAUSE IT WILL NOT POST THE WHOLE THING IF IT ISN'T!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

And off we go, into the wild blue fanfic….!

The darkness consumed her. It ripped into her, struck through her soul and wrapped her mind in sickening violation. It tore every piece of knowledge, ever shred of emotion and every single thought straight from her head and her heart. It knew her now, her weaknesses and her strengths, her betrayals and dignities, and yet it still sought something. It wanted to find something within the deeps of her mind. 

She couldn't tell what this darkness wanted, but she could _feel _it. _Feel _its need, its hunger, and its danger. It felt almost familiar…

The darkness tried to settle and take root, but something separate fought it back. Something akin to Jenny, knowing her without this heinous violation. A something that the darkness had once called its own, but tried to fight it back with a desperate poignancy. A something so very familiar. 

Jenny was too lost and entrapped by the darkness to care.

- - -

Julian heard her scream. He felt her slip into a void from which no one could escape. So, being the lovesick demon prince that he was, he leapt in after her. Foolish yes, but incredibly brave. Rarely any Shadow Men have ever entered this void, and then they never delved deep into anyone's mind, but Julian leapt straight into the deep as a knight in shining armor to battle for his maiden in distress. More or less. 

What he found made his blood boil. Jenny had given up. She had let herself be consumed, allowed the darkness to rip through her. He had always thought that she was stronger then that, but then again, he had been worrying at her heels, an invisible presence, always looking over her shoulder, and might, just might, have been the cause of her weakened state. 

One thing was for sure; he couldn't stand by and watch while the darkness possessed her. 

_Ahh, but Julian, are you _sure _that its worth it? You gave your life for her, and she repays you by shrinking in fear of the very weight of your gaze. Ask yourself: is she really worth the risk? _The sense of reason chimed in.

If anything in the world, she is worth any risk, any price, or any life. Jenny is my light, I cannot live without her!

_But Julian, you forget. You don't _have _a life. _

If this is an attempt to persuade me to give up, you are failing miserably. And with that, he flung himself against the darkness, his desperateness lending him strength unparalleled by the voice starting to grow in presence in his mind.

- - -

While Julian was occupied with a heated discussion with the voice in his head, Jenny was sinking deeper into the all-consuming blackness. It clawed at her, and she let it tear right through her, a pain greater than anything she had ever known, with maybe the exception of a summer morning three years ago. She felt the incredible pain of loss all over again, but instead of it being the loss of another, it was the loss of self, and then the pain faded into an incredible numbness

The endless shadow began to retreat against the barrage of the other being that seemed to have invaded her mind. A glimmer of recognition managed to penetrate through the black fog that seemed to have clouded over her consciousness. The haze began to lift, and with the return of thought came the return of pain. But a part of the haze stayed with her, in the deeps of her mind, settling into her subconscious. 

The pain was reminiscent of the burning spark of life in a cave in an amusement park in a whole other world. But in a sense, it was a good pain; it was the restoration of senses, but not the restoration of self. That seemed to have retreated with the fog. Now she was reduced to a purpose with feelings. 

Vaguely she heard someone calling her name, drawing her back into consciousness, past the void that had consumed her mere moments before. She didn't want to go back to light and sound and touch, she wanted to stay within the numbing darkness, away from the pain and fear, away from the responsibility and worry of life stretching out ahead of her like a narrow unpaved path. 

The voice persisted, drawing her from the darkness and back into the light, and back into the all-consuming fire of pain that comes upon the brink of ecstasy. 

Unsteadily and slowly, she pulled herself from the void, to find herself alone in her car, her hand bleeding slightly at the knuckles, and a headache that would rival the explosion of an atomic bomb. 

Moving slowly, anything but would cause the pain in her skull to triple, she opened the car door, steadying herself on the low roof, and pulled herself out. 

Being completely vertical brought a wave of nausea and dizziness down on her. Her knuckles were white on the door; sweat beading her brow, her breathing labored. Beneath the pain was a curious emptiness, and a tiny part of her reveled in it. 

The sudden wave passed, and a steady, throbbing weakness took its place. She tried to take a step away from her clutch on her car door, but she promptly toppled to the ground, her knees refusing to bear her weight, as well as co-operate with her brain. Shaking, she lay sprawled on the pavement, waiting for the sky to return to its proper place, and for the ground to stay suitably beneath her. The pain in her hand came back in full as the shock of impact on the pavement wore away. 

She attempted to sit up, but it only flung her back into the deeps of unconsciousness. Just before her mind shut down completely, she felt strong but gentle hands lifting her away from the asphalt and a musical voice chiming her name desperately. Then, the faint whirling of a siren, and all went black. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: I am receiving a vision… *ooooohhhmmm…* I… do… not… own… anything… dammit… Yep, that's right. I'm still an ownerless bum. Go figure. 

Author's Note: If you're reading this, that means I finally got my internet fixed, OR I am using my dad's computer. The other day, our internet was being VERY evil. By accident, I hit the 'disable' button on my connection thingy in an attempt to fix it. Now, I can't find out where the hell it went. Which means, of course, no internet on my computer until my brother either comes home or he tells me how to fix it. 

ff.net did NOT like my last chapter. The formatting kept getting messed. Like it would only show the first sentence of my disclaimer. Very frustrating. BUT, its working now =) 

I want to thank Shadow and tube for their reviews! Thanks you guys! Tube, I'm working on that juicy action scene you wanted. Hopefully it'll pop up next chapter.

So, after that pointless message, off again into the unknown deeps of what my brain dredged up onto paper…

            - - -

Jenny felt strange. Very strange. Her whole body felt… light, fuzzy, floating even. Opening her eyes, she was greeted by the sterile white of a hospital room. The incessant bleeping of monitors and equipment had by this time faded into a background complaint. 

Her hands moved restlessly on the sheets, an IV in her left wrist announced medication being poured into her system.

No wonder I feel fluffy, she thought languidly, her head lolling drunkenly on a neck supported by somewhat crinkly hospital pillows. 

"So, you're finally awake," a solemn voice toned from her doorway. A nurse stood in the doorway, her auburn hair pulled into a tight bun at the nape of her neck, her brown eyes kindly, if detached, her greeny-blue scrubs loose on her slender, if short, body. Jenny tuned her somewhat glassy gaze onto the nurse.

"Wh-what happened…?" Jenny asked, her words slurring together slightly. 

"The young man who brought you in said he was walking to his car when he saw you sprawled out on the pavement taking a nap," the nurse said slowly, humor turning her mouth up into a smile. 

"What did this guy look like?" Jenny inquired, the medication haze starting to leak off of her brain.

"White hair, bright blue eyes, slim, tall, dressed in black. Does he sound familiar?" the nurse asked, coming to sit down by Jenny's bed.

Does he ever… But this is _not _the time for hysterics, Jenny! You just gotta be cool about this. Once you get yourself outta this hospital, _then _you can figure out what the hell you're going to do, she chided herself harshly. 

"I think so… he might be in one of my classes. Did he tell you his name?" she asked cautiously. 

"I don't think so… All he said was to make sure you got the best care and that you would know who he was. I'm sorry I don't have any more information."

"So what, exactly, its wrong with me? Aside from blacking out in the parking lot."

The nurse consulted the medical file at the end of her bed. "Well, aside from your escapade into unconsciousness, your fine. We just have you on some painkillers for your hand and some stabilizers, you know, vitamins and things like that. Any more questions?"

"Yes, one more. How long am I going to be here?"

"Well, once we do another once-over, your free to go. Can I get you anything to eat?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks." At this, the nurse smiled once, placed the chart back onto its holder after making a brief notation on it, and left the room. 

Jenny sure had a lot to think about. But she didn't feel the need. She felt an ultimate passiveness settle over her. She didn't feel a thing for the other patients crying in the other rooms. It felt strangely right that she didn't care for anything but herself, which is a complete 180 from her normal "put-other-before-thyself" attitude she had lived her whole life by. She felt… _detached. _That was the word. Also, she had not eaten anything for two days, and she wasn't in the least bit hungry. This more then her detachment worried her. She didn't binge, but she liked food. Food was good. But now, it didn't seem necessary. And neither did going to Pennsylvania. 

- - -

Julian paced his apartment. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. When he held her, she just didn't _feel _like Jenny. Just another person, that happened to have a striking resemblance to his Jenny. After he brought her up from the void, he looked into her eyes. The person was there, but Jenny wasn't. Come to think of it, she didn't even feel like a _person_, just a face. Her eyes were empty, Julian thought, brows furrowing together in deep thought. 

_Maybe she forgot about you, _the voice told him. The voice had been growing in appearance and coming forth to the forefront of his mind lately. 

Now that, Julian replied with fervor, is _not _true. After all that I have done to her, there is no way that she could have forgotten about me. And what I do to her still… he trailed off, a tear wending its way down the icy curve of his cheek. He touched it with amazement. He had never, in all his millennia of existence, cried. Ever. Even when Jenny had almost _died_, he hadn't shed a tear. Sure, he was worried beyond belief, but then he could have unleashed his wrath upon the Elders. Now, the Elders held a tighter control over his existence. He grinned humorlessly at that. Not his _life, _but his _existence_. But the possibility of Jenny _forgetting _him was almost more then he could stand. Damn he needed booze. 

He stomped over to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch. He drank it straight from the bottle, letting the alcohol get into his blood before he went back to pacing. 

He had done too much thinking for now. Now was the time for action. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: Hmm… I wonder how I can say this again… I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!! Wait…. That's a _bad _thing! Dammit!

Author's Note: *Gasp!* What has happened to Jenny?! Why is Julian getting drunk?! Will I ever live up to my summary?!  Well, I promised action, and I will hopefully HAVE action in this. OMG!!! I HAVE A PLOT NOW! I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO! YAY! Sorry, but this is a short chapter. It just felt like a good place to stop. To make up for it, I'll put up another chapter tomorrow, which means, once the internet starts working again. I am going to have the format like this from now on in, cause it makes my chapters seem longer. ^^

By the by, I am looking for a beta reader. If you would like to be my beta reader, email me at [cinder_bloq@hotmail.com][1]. I try for about three chapters a week, so you might be kind of busy… 

And back into my brain….

            Julian glared at his reflection. He didn't like what he saw. What he saw, of course, was nothing. He didn't have a reflection. None of them did. Not that any of them ever needed to have one. He once thought it was because they didn't have souls. But that was before Jenny. No one can feel such intense emotion and still say they don't have a soul. 

            He scowled once more at the pane of glass that's reflected the apartments rather grungy off-white walls. It wasn't like him to be plunging head on into something without having any semblance of a plan in mind, but then again, it wasn't like any Shadow Man to be fighting for a loved one. None of them _had _loved ones. Well, except him. But his loved one would cower in fear if she even heard his name. O well, he thought, I'll take what I can get. 

            Jenny walked out of the hospital. She still felt strange, but not in a bad way. Little things meant more, like the angle of the sun, how the grass moved, where the largest shadows fell from an object. But strangely, rather perversely, she felt less aware of her self, like her emotions were numbed. She felt acutely aware of her body though, senses, movement, carriage. 

            She _knew_ that her clothes looked good on her, even if they were just little better then pajamas. They felt right. She _knew _that her hair was tousled, but it only made it look better. 

            Something inside her screamed that something was wrong, very wrong, but Jenny didn't notice. She felt too good to care. She felt so… awake. Not tense, but awake. Watching. Waiting. 

            She knew precisely when the man came up behind her, grabbing her purse (A/N: I know its lame, so sue me.) and trying to bolt. She hit him in the Adam's apple with the side of her hand. He promptly fell to the concrete gasping for air. Jenny picked up her purse and kept on walking, completely unruffled by the whole experience. Several people were gathered around the man, staring in fearful suspicion at the retreating form of Jenny's body. 

            Not caring about the people behind her, she kept on walking back towards her college dorm. Not to stay, no. She was going back to get her car. She wanted to drive wherever the road would take her. 

            Julian just realized something. It wasn't like him to not notice something completely, but then again, he _had _been rather off-kilter since _they _had brought him back. He could walk in sunlight. Being but a Shadow, he had previously been unable to do anything under the harsh gaze of the sun. Granted that lately he had stuck inside buildings and it _had _been cloudy, it didn't matter. He could walk in daylight.

            However, his revelry in his newly recognized achievement was short-lived. He felt… _something_ nearing Jenny's dorm. Something strong. Something definitely _not _human. 

   [1]: mailto:cinder_bloq@hotmail.com



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